Now I'm pretty damn sure that God loves to jizz in my eye. And now I'm fucking sure that there are creeps out there on the internet..UGH. Thank fucking Allah it's going to be Friday tomorrow. I can't stand school much longer. I need a fucking break from all this pressure that keeps weighting down on me. Mom's always nagging, saying, "You're priorities right now are to focus on school and get good grades so you can get into a good college. Don't you want that?"
OF COURSE I FUCKING WANT IT! It's the only goddamn way that I'll be able to get farrr away from you. Then there's Daddy putting pressure on me to be the good kid, the one who's got her head screwed on right and who's going to do something great. I love Daddy but I don't know if he realizes how much pressure I put on MYSELF so I can feel like I meet the minimum of his standards. And what really gets me is that I think he only wants me to come over every Saturday just so he can feel less lonely..not to see me. Then there's always the issue that when I'm on the phone with him I'm always the one who says, "I love you" first.
I try so fucking hard.
Plus I'm trying to quit smoking..which is hard but sometimes it's scary when I realize that there's something not normal about the way I'm thinking or acting. Sometimes I think I'm going crazy and I'll just be talking to myself inside of my head trying to calm myself down. I'm probably not going to live past 40 but on the bright side I've lived my life the way I wanted and I've had fun. I don't regret anything I've done in my life. EVERYTHING happens for a reason.
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